20demayo Chapter 198
Chapter 198
Dear Sir/Madam, this letter is as if we were face to face.
After many days apart, I have missed you dearly, so I write this letter to express my apologies.
But when I put pen to paper, I was speechless and choked with emotion.
Knowing that we will never meet again, I did not tell you of my illness, lest you worry. Please do not blame me, Qishan. Perhaps it is because people are about to die that they always like to recall the past. I remember the day when Qishan and I first met, the green bamboo in the courtyard stood tall, and a beautiful woman appeared on the wall, hidden among the green bamboo. I was amazed at first glance.
I have been bedridden with a long illness, and I regret that we did not meet at the right time. You did not mind my frail body and accompanied me. I was very happy in my final days, but I still feel regret and my heart is not at peace.
In this life, nine times out of ten we do not live up to our heart's desires. To have met you is already a great blessing. I hope you can also forget your worries and not be troubled by me.
It is now September, and the autumn leaves outside the window have fallen. When I am alone, I hear the sound of the water clock at night, each sound urging me to dawn. I know that I can no longer deceive myself. I made a promise to stay with you in the desolate mountains, but I am just barely clinging to life. There is no cure, and I am powerless to keep my promise to you. I am ashamed in my heart.
Therefore, I planted a phoenix tree on the top of Qiwu Mountain and asked my mother to bury me here so that I may rest in peace. I only wish to see your smiling face every day and stay by your side until the end of this promise.
Life is full of suffering, especially for men. I only wish that you could smile, live freely and unburdened by the world, and see all the hustle and bustle of life. This is my only wish.
Despite my deep reluctance, our fate has come to an end. I hope you take good care of yourself and find much joy.
Presented by Jingwen.
……
Liu Qishan lowered his head and watched quietly, his expression unreadable. His knuckles, gripping the letter, trembled slightly and turned white, as if he were about to drop it.
Nalan Jingwen stood behind him, looking over his shoulder to see the contents of the letter. The signature at the end of the letter was smudged with ink, as if it had been written and then crossed out.
Even though the words were crossed out, Nalan Jingwen could still make out what they were.
Presented by Jingwen, wife of Qishan.
The entire letter did not mention her feelings at all; she was afraid that the love she held deep in her heart would bring trouble to Liu Qishan and make him restless for the rest of his life.
Liu Qishan looked up, the color drained from his face, leaving it deathly pale. His delicate features were streaked with tears, like a tattered rag doll abandoned by its owner, broken and dejected.
He looked around blankly, as if searching for something, and finally his gaze fell on the desk. He staggered a few steps over to it.
On the desk, neatly placed was the portrait they had drawn on the street that day. The two sat upright, not very close, and there was even a distance between them, but even so, one could still see that they were a handsome man and a beautiful woman, and that their affection was deep.
And those unspeakable things that have never been uttered.
In the lower right corner of the portrait are two lines of poetry.
I wish to be a beast in the distance, walking side by side with you every step of the way.
I wish to be a tree deep in the mountains, with branches intertwined and interdependent.
His fingertips trembled as he touched the two lines of poetry, tears streaming down his face. The tears fell like a broken string, staining the ink and connecting the two figures, making them seem to lean on each other tightly.
How could he be so stupid? He didn't even realize how seriously ill she was, and he thought that, as she said, she would get better when autumn came.
She was so thin, and every movement she made was trembling, so why didn't he notice?
He actually pulled her out and walked with her for so long without noticing anything amiss.
How could this be? How could he be so stupid?!
Clearly... she was just like him, but he never noticed. He always thought he had hidden his feelings well, but little did he know that they had already been exposed.
why?
Why do two people who are clearly in love with each other end up separated by death?
Why let him find out now?
Why is God playing such a cruel trick on him?
She's such a good person, so why?
Liu Qishan trembled as he hugged the portrait to his chest, hunched over and wept uncontrollably, overwhelmed with grief and on the verge of collapse, shrouded in despair.
"Sorry……"
He felt that everything was pitch black before his eyes, he couldn't see anything, and it was as if the sky had collapsed.
Nalan Jingwen walked over and saw Liu Qishan's grief-stricken appearance, and his heart ached.
She bent down and reached out to hug him, but she couldn't touch him no matter what she did. She could only watch him cry until he was about to faint, saying sorry over and over again.
For as long as he cried, Nalan Jingwen stayed by his side, from day to night. He went from crying loudly to sobbing softly, until his voice became hoarse and he could no longer cry. He could only sit on the ground, holding the portrait, looking lost and dejected, his eyes vacant, his tears dried, as if his soul had been taken away, leaving only an empty shell.
Just when Nalan Jingwen thought he would sit there all night, he suddenly stood up. Perhaps he had been sitting for too long, his legs were stiff, and he almost fell to the ground. She reached out to support him, but her hand passed right through his body.
Liu Qishan steadied himself, carefully placed the painting in the box, held it protectively in his arms, and staggered out of the room.
Nalan Jingwen was worried that something might happen to him, so he followed.
She watched him kneel before the middle-aged woman, his voice filled with sorrow.
"Qishan wishes to marry Jingwen as a concubine, please grant her wish."
"no!"
Nalan Jingwen's pupils constricted sharply. He stood in front of Liu Qishan, trying to pull him up.
"No, Qishan!"
But no matter how she called out, Liu Qishan couldn't hear her; his gaze remained firm.
The middle-aged woman looked down at him with an inscrutable expression.
"Have you thought it through? If you marry Wen'er as her concubine, you will have to remain a widow for the rest of your life and endure loneliness and solitude."
Liu Qishan smiled sweetly, as if reminiscing about some beautiful past, his eyes growing increasingly resolute.
"willing."
As long as I can marry her, as long as I can become her husband, I will not hesitate even if there is an abyss of no return ahead.
Nalan Jingwen could only watch helplessly as he married a corpse, unable to do anything about it.
How could he be so stupid?
Why do you never think about yourself?
It was then and it is now.
She watched as Liu Qishan set off alone towards Qiwu Mountain. They had originally agreed to go together, but she couldn't keep her promise and left him all alone.
At the summit of Qiwu Mountain stands a tall and straight sycamore tree, its leaves falling softly and swirling down.
He stood under the tree, gazing up at the somewhat bare branches, dressed in blue. Since that day, he had worn blue every day, as if he had some kind of obsession with it.
He held the box in his hands, stroked the trunk of the sycamore tree with one hand, murmured softly, and his eyes held endless longing.
"To live and die together, never to be separated..."
"I wish to be a tree deep in the mountains, with branches intertwined and interdependent..."
Liu Qishan's lips curved into a gentle smile, but Nalan Jingwen found it extremely irritating. She realized that Liu Qishan, in both her demeanor and every gesture, was strikingly similar to her, as if...
She was like a replica of another person.
"Ah Wen, I've come to keep my appointment..."
She did so much for him in silence, never thinking of telling him until her death, but that's why he suffered so much.