I was reborn after cheating on the aloof and powerful man.

Chapter 123 Beyond the Walls

"When I was little, I grew up in a fortified village."

Back then, the only view you could see when you looked up each day was that gray-white wall that stretched to the top.

I really want to know what it's like outside the walls. Do the brothers who can go out see the same desolate gray world as I do?

My mother is very strict and has absolute authority at home.

Every time I insisted on going out with my brothers, my mother would just look at me indifferently and say that I was ill-mannered and didn't act like a proper young lady.

Every time I make a fuss, my palms suffer.

My swollen hand hurt so much that I couldn't sleep all night.

Later, I stopped asking and asked my wet nurse for help.

The wet nurse held me and stood on a round stool. I desperately tried to stand on the wet nurse's shoulders to look outside.

But I can't see anything; the wall is too high.

Even if I stepped on the wet nurse, I still couldn't reach half the height of the wall.

That day, we happened to have guests at home.

Amidst my mother's angry shouts, I fell into the arms of a fierce-looking middle-aged man.

The man stared at me coldly, which terrified me.

I wonder if I am already dead, which is why I see Zhong Kui in the painting, the one who suppresses demons.

Later I learned that the uncle had brought his wife to meet my mother.

The uncle's wife is very gentle; she's a warm-hearted woman with a lovely smile.

She gently hugged me, patted my back, and comforted me, telling me not to be afraid. I heard her playfully scolding the uncle for scaring me.

I curiously lifted my head from her embrace, wanting to see how such a gentle person dared to scold that devilish old man.

But then I saw the fierce-looking uncle smile gently, a smile even warmer than that of a gentle older sister.

After my gentle older sister left, my wet nurse was driven away by my mother, and I was locked in a dark room and starved for three days.

I used to think there was nothing worse or more despairing than being locked in a dark room and starving, but I later realized I was wrong.

The world outside the walls is not good at all. Compared to the gray walls, there is only black despair and the bloody color of slaughter outside the walls.

My grandfather remonstrated with me to the death, smashing his head against the throne in the Golden Palace.

Along with the news, a group of soldiers dressed in black armor arrived at the fortified village.

The black armor quickly turned red, covered with the blood of my eldest brother, second brother, fourth brother, and sixth brother, as well as countless members of my Lin family.

My little sister was born on a haystack in the prison van.

She has never had a full meal since birth.

When I took my sister, who was crying so hard she was almost out of breath from hunger, to my mother, she told me that feeding children was a wet nurse's job. As a member of the Xie family, a lineage that had lasted for thousands of years, she could never act like a servant and disgrace her family.

Yes, my mother was always proud of her bloodline, so proud that she would never hug her younger sister.

The prison van moved slowly, stopping and starting. It didn't attract my father even halfway there, but my mother and I were still rescued.

The world was in chaos, and there were uprisings and displaced people everywhere.

The leader of the displaced people we met in the prison van took my mother and me back to the Xie family, which she was so proud of.

The Xie family looked around, undecided.

I'm back inside a new walled city.

This time the wall was very low. Standing on the stone table, I could see the apricot blossoms outside the white wall, as red as rouge, their shadows swaying in the sunset.

Inside the small walled enclosure, besides my mother, my younger sister, and me, there was only one other maid, Xiaoying.

But most of the time, it's just me and my little sister in the yard.

Every day, the mother would take Xiao Ying out in her worn-out silk clothes and not return until the sun had set behind the wall.

Every time my mother came back, I would stare longingly at what was behind her.

Sometimes Xiaoying would hold some tea leaves, sometimes she would hold half a piece of Huizhou ink, but never anything I was looking forward to.

I couldn't help but beg my mother if she could bring back some milk next time I went out.

My mother slapped me in response.

She scolded me for not recognizing my own status, asking why I degraded myself like this. She said I was so vulgar, like a reincarnated glutton, just as lowly as those lowly people outside who toil in the fields, with nothing but eating in their hearts, lacking any of the dignity and integrity of a noble lady.

What are integrity and moral character?

Can you please let my little sister live?

The little sister, as small as a cat, cried from hunger, and her sobs sounded like the whimpers of leaves.

I endured the hunger and used the saved rice to cook a thin porridge, feeding her little by little until she was three years old.

She couldn't call out "mother"; the first word she learned to say was "hungry."

'Sister, I'm hungry.'

When my younger sister died, she was as thin as a stick.

Only those eyes were wide open, as if they were blaming me.

She came into this world with great difficulty, yet she never experienced what it felt like to be full.

Outside the wall, the apricot blossoms bloom and fade, eventually bearing abundant apricot fruit.

No one knows that under the apricot tree, a child nicknamed Aman once came into this world.

A child who cannot be included in the family genealogy is not even acknowledged by her own mother.

The bright red apricots always reminded me of my little sister's flesh and blood, so even when I was starving, I never dared to pick one and take a bite.

My mother scoffed at me, but said nothing.

One day, after I finished the homework my mother had assigned, I stepped out of my room and saw that most of the apricots on the tree had fallen.

Outside the wall, frivolous laughter could still be heard.

"Zibo, a bet's a bet. You'll have to pay me back with the apricots from your tree. My third sister happens to love them."

I angrily climbed up the wall, intending to tell them to stop.

My foot slipped, and I fell into a hard, solid embrace.

The embrace was quite warm, but I was so angry that I slapped him and yelled at him to give me back my virginity.

The man walked away with a red face. My cousin, not having time to say anything to me, awkwardly chased after him.

When my mother came back from outside, she neither scolded me nor punished me as she used to.

She told me to pack my things and go see my father.

Father?

I've almost forgotten what my father looks like.

I was wearing a veiled hat and sitting behind the screen.

Through the screen, I saw the Xie family members who had previously pointed fingers at my mother and me now respectfully bowing to my father, praising my third brother as a true descendant of loyalty and righteousness, a young hero.

My father took my mother and me away from the Xie family, and I moved into a new walled village.

On the day I left, I talked to my father about my younger sister.

My father was silent for a long time before he finally spoke, telling me not to blame my mother.

With starving people everywhere outside, it was already a great blessing that my little sister could be buried peacefully under a tree instead of being eaten by someone else.

You know, aren't people strange? They always like to deceive themselves.

It seems that if you can fool yourself, you can do the things you despise the most with a clear conscience.

After leaving the Xie family, I never saw Xiaoying again.

My mother soon fell ill and spent her days lying in bed silently weeping.

My father gave me the key to the storeroom and two new maids, whom I named Yushi and Yunmei.

Although the new home cannot compare with the old fortified village, at least I have no worries about food, and I have never gone hungry again.

For some reason, my father stayed at home all day and didn't go out.

From time to time, distinguished people and dignitaries would send invitations to the family, but no matter who it was, the father would not see them.

Among the visitors seeking an audience, I saw the man who wanted to eat my younger sister's apricot.

He was accompanied by a great scholar, and upon seeing me, he immediately bowed his head and gave a deep salute.

I noticed at a glance that his ears were as red and beautiful as pigeon bloodstone.

Soon I reached the age of coming of age.

Yu Shi is three years older than me and loves to nag and worry.

Lately, she keeps asking, "Miss, what kind of husband do you want in the future?"

I do not know.

My mother has been bedridden for three years.

I took care of her, pitied her, yet hated her.

The Lin family has undergone tremendous changes. Apart from the few family members who survived, there is not a single female elder who can preside over my coming-of-age ceremony.

Yunmei combed my hair while I played with the little jade rabbit in the jewelry box on the right.

The man said he would ask his family to propose marriage to me after I came of age.

I did not agree.

My mother can't live without me, and neither can the Lin family.

My coming-of-age ceremony went very smoothly and was quite lively. The Princess Consort of Han personally came to be the chief guest of my coming-of-age ceremony.

She held my hand and exclaimed, "I can't believe how much I've grown up!"

I never expected that my father would send me to the Prince of Han's mansion.

Not long after I came of age, the Prince of Han sent someone to propose marriage, wanting to bring me into the Prince of Han's palace as a concubine.

Yu-shi asked me if I had ever thought about what kind of person I would marry in the future.

Actually, I secretly thought that it would be okay if that person didn't wait for me.

When my mother no longer needs me, perhaps I will ask my father to find me a refined scholar, and I can raise his children. As long as he looks at me with the same tenderness that uncle looked at his wife back then.

But I never expected that I would marry someone old enough to be my father, and he was the same uncle from back then.

I threw up on my wedding night.

No one knew except Yunmei.

I'm in pain, I feel pain all over my body, and my heart feels like it's dead.

I leaned over the edge of the bathtub and vomited everything in my stomach.

But I could still smell the stench.

At that time, I didn't quite understand why I was so upset; I just thought that every woman goes through something like this.

During my time at the Prince of Han's residence, I lived like a corpse.

Nobody wants to talk to me, and I don't want to talk to anyone.

At first, the Prince of Han would come to my place, but after a new lady entered his household, he quickly forgot about me.

She only comes to me to vent when she's not in the mood to please her new love interest.

My mother is finally free. According to Yu Shi, who stayed at the Lin residence, my mother didn't suffer too much when she passed away.

In the mourning hall, I knelt on the ground burning paper money, feeling empty and listless inside.

I wanted to leave the Prince of Han's residence, and the more I thought about it, the more determined I became.

After my mother was buried, I secretly slipped into my father's study.

The father was not in the study.

I hid behind the display cabinet, waiting for my father to come home. Just as I was about to doze off, I suddenly heard my father and third brother's voices.

'That old scoundrel Yu Hong is simply going too far!'

"Father, don't worry, there's plenty of time. Once my sister gives birth to a son, the Yu family will have their day."

The fact that the princess was unable to bear children was an open secret in the Han Prince's residence.

Now I finally understand why my father sent me to the Prince of Han's mansion; he wanted to become the next Huo Guang.

I rushed out, knelt on the ground, and kept kowtowing to my father.

'Father, I don't want to have children. Please, have mercy on me. I don't want to go back.'

"It is your father who has delayed your life. If you do not wish to have a child, I will grant your wish. Once the emperor ascends the throne, you will certainly be granted a position as a concubine. I will arrange everything for you then, and you can adopt a child into your name."

'Father, I beg you, please send your daughter away. I'd even be willing to be her aunt's daughter.'

'You ungrateful wretch, don't you dare imitate your mother!'

Mother?

I stood frozen in place, my pleas ceasing.

"Tomorrow you will return to the Prince's mansion obediently. Any mistake will lead to utter ruin; your mother is the best example. Your father will not harm you!"

After my father turned and left, my third brother walked up to me, sighed, but left without saying anything.

I returned to my old bedroom, feeling utterly lost, but I couldn't fall asleep no matter what I did.

Without waking Yu Shi, I put on my clothes and went outside, then climbed up the tree to the wall.

The moonlight, like water, stirred my eyes, causing them to well up with tears.

I think of my mother, my younger sister, and those three years in the Xie family's courtyard, days so dark they felt suffocating.

Am I destined to repeat my mother's fate in the future?