20demayo Chapter 45 The Psychological State of Crisis
Chapter 45 The Psychological State of Crisis
Chapter 45 The Psychological State of Crisis
Lin Yu'an huddled by the stove, the flickering firelight casting a long shadow on the rough stone wall.
He felt something was wrong with his body; a chill seeped from his bones, his forehead began to burn, and his temples throbbed with a dull, throbbing pain.
"Damn it... Could it be that I caught a fever from being caught in the rain yesterday?" Lin Yu'an cursed inwardly.
His heart sank. He reached out and touched his forehead with the back of his hand. Sure enough, it was burning hot, but he dared not show any sign of having a fever in front of the camera.
Lin Yu'an struggled to get up and walked to a place away from the cameras outside the shelter. He rummaged through the first aid kit in the space and found a small strip of antipyretics and anti-inflammatory drugs.
The bitter taste of the pill spread in his mouth, just like his mood at that moment.
"I already have room, I absolutely cannot stop here! Never!"
Lin Yu-an composed herself. She had already recorded her physical vulnerability that afternoon, and according to the usual practice of contestants, she should soon show her mental fragility.
He turned on the camera and continued recording his "showing weakness" footage, but now he was recording more of his psychological state of "showing weakness".
Lin Yu'an picked up the destroyed barbed wire net, tangled with water plants and silt. The net was broken and looked like a pile of worthless trash! He irritably threw it aside with a dull "snap".
"Even you're going against me!"
He let out a low growl, his eyes bloodshot!
I just sat there, letting negative emotions fester and spread in my heart.
Time passed second by second, and the air inside the shelter seemed to freeze, so oppressive that it was hard to breathe.
Lin Yu-an began to talk to himself in front of the camera.
"Am I really... just going to give up like this?"
"Honestly, when people are enveloped in negative emotions, they will unconsciously start to reminisce. I thought of my childhood."
He suddenly turned to the camera, or perhaps to himself, and said, "Guys, you know what? When I was a kid... I actually had a pretty tough time."
I picked up a broken network cable and unconsciously twirled it between my fingers.
"I...I don't have a family of origin. I only know that I've lived in my current family since I can remember."
"That family was alright to me at first, but everything changed after they had a boy, my so-called 'brother'."
A bitter smile appeared on his lips.
"From the age of ten, they kept instilling in me the idea that I should think about my younger brother, that I should give in to my younger brother, that I should take care of my younger brother... I became a veritable servant in that family."
"Washing clothes, cooking, feeding pigs, doing farm work... all the jobs that I could or couldn't do at my age fell on my shoulders."
"The man who bought me was an alcoholic who would beat people when he was drunk. That woman, and me, were both targets of his venting."
"The bruises and welts on my body were almost constant. It wasn't until later, after that woman had been abused for several years, that he finally gave birth to a son, and then he stopped a little."
"Later, their farmland was demolished for the construction of a highway, and they received a sum of money, so the whole family moved into the city."
"At that time, I was already thirteen years old and was left alone in the old house in the countryside. For me, this period was the happiest time of my life because I didn't have to work and could go to school in town."
He paused, a warm glint in his eyes.
"My first benefactor was my junior high school principal; he was the only ray of light in my unhappy childhood!"
"While that woman was fast asleep, I secretly plucked a strand of her hair, wrapped it in paper, and hid it."
"One day, I mustered all my courage and found Principal Li. I will always remember the look of shock and heartache in his eyes. He didn't make a fuss, but secretly paid for a paternity test for me out of his own pocket."
"The result is just as I guessed. I am indeed not their biological child."
"I'm so fortunate to have met a teacher who truly educates and nurtures students, and who is also a veteran! Soldiers are the most trustworthy group in China!"
"Principal Li didn't immediately help me report to the police or find my biological parents. He had a very deep conversation with me."
"He said that I am still young and not mature enough. If I rashly search for my biological parents, I may face many problems and harms that I cannot predict. Moreover, in the vast sea of people, it is not easy to find them in a short time."
"The best way is to study hard first and make myself stronger. When I'm an adult and have the ability to think and live independently, it will be more meaningful to find my roots."
"He arranged for me to live on campus, and on weekends I would stay at his house. The food his wife cooked was the warmest taste of my childhood memories."
"From junior high to high school, for a full six years, the principal and his wife were the ones who quietly supported me."
As Lin Yu-an spoke, a complex emotion flashed in her eyes as she looked at the camera—a mixture of gratitude and感慨 about fate.
"I often think that although my childhood was full of misfortune, I must thank my biological parents for giving me a fairly intelligent mind and a strong body."
"It was these things that helped me get through the most difficult period of my childhood and adolescence, giving me the opportunity to learn and change my destiny."
He picked up the broken network cable and began trying to untangle the tangled ends.
"Like this tattered net, it looks useless, but as long as even one thread is intact, there's still a possibility of repair, isn't there?"
Lin Yu'an's movements became focused, as if all the dejection and anxiety were being peeled away little by little in the process of narration and sorting out.
"My senior year of high school was another important turning point in my life, and also a very painful memory."
"Just when I was preparing for the college entrance examination with all my might, Principal Li, who had always taken care of me like a father, passed away in a sudden car accident."
At this point, Lin Yu'an's voice visibly choked up. He lowered his head, remained silent for a moment, and then continued.
"This was a huge blow to me. I was on the verge of a breakdown during that time."
"I promised him that I would get into his alma mater, Tsinghua University, and become his classmate... But because of his departure, my emotions have been greatly affected."
"I usually score over 700 points in mock tests, but in the final college entrance exam, I only scored over 680 points."
"I'm sorry, Principal Li, I failed to keep our promise..."
I took a deep breath, wiped the corner of my eye with the back of my hand, and tried to calm myself down.
"The first thing I did during the college entrance exam period was to call the police!"
"The police collected my DNA and entered it into the national missing persons database. They told me that they would notify me as soon as a match was found."
"Later, I registered my own household and left that so-called 'home.' Following my teacher's wife's advice, I applied to Texas Tech University and was fortunate enough to receive a full scholarship, which brought me to the United States."
"Then... I met Arya. She was like a ray of light, gradually erasing my unhappy childhood memories."
"We fell in love, got married, and now we're expecting twins."
"This is also the most important reason why I participated in 'Living Alone in the Wilderness' despite everything."
His voice became firm and powerful as he began!
"One million dollars would provide so much security for our future. How could I possibly give it up so easily!"
After he finished speaking, he looked down at the network cables in his hands that he was straightening out little by little.
"Therefore, my journey of challenges is like life itself, and like this net; it's not time to give up completely yet! No matter how great the difficulties, I cannot give up easily!"
Lin Yu-an's state of mind, in the process of recalling and recounting, also seemed to have undergone a baptism.
He was reborn, gained a powerful spatial cheat ability, and had his physique enhanced! It's safe to say he's absolutely the chosen one!
How could he still be affected by that unfortunate childhood trauma?
Lin Yu'an's current state of mind is more of a calm and resilient feeling after going through hardships.
He began to patiently repair the fishing net, which seemed to have no need for further repair.
Every movement was so focused, as if they were not just repairing a net, but also repairing a life that was starting anew!
(End of this chapter)