Tang Dynasty: Slacking off in the Imperial Kitchen, exposed by Si Zi

Chapter 20: I, the Emperor, must taste this divine creature that smells like shit and tastes like me

A plate of stinky tofu was gone in the blink of an eye.

Even the last bit of broth mixed with minced garlic and cilantro was wiped clean by Xiao Sizi using the crispy fried scraps.

"That's all..."

Little Sizi licked her lips, looking at the empty plate with a resentful expression.

The unique aroma still lingered in my mouth, especially that pungent yet addictive flavor that only got better with each chew—it was even more unforgettable than the soup dumplings from that day.

"That's all."

Su Mu tossed the plate into the basin of water. "This stuff is too oily; eating too much will make you choke."

Li Lizhi had finally recovered her composure and took out a handkerchief to wipe her mouth. If the historians had recorded her wolfing down her food, she would have been infamous for eternity—

Just like this tofu.

She awkwardly smoothed her sideburns, the unique scent still lingering on the tip of her nose.

"What...what's this thing called?" Li Lizhi tried her best to make her voice sound like she was discussing academic matters.

"Stinky tofu," Su Mu replied simply and bluntly.

Li Lizhi choked for a moment.

This name... truly lives up to its name.

"This item... although its name is unpleasant, its manufacturing process is... quite peculiar."

Li Lizhi tried to add a few words, "That crispy outside and tender inside texture, and that magical flavor, it's truly... truly ingenious."

"Alright, stop with the fancy words."

Su Mu walked to the door and peeked out through the crack. "Let's hurry up and leave. Those people outside haven't left yet. The smell has faded a bit now, so it's a good time to slip away."

If they don't leave now, Su Mu doesn't even want to imagine what will happen when Wang Dequan and his gang realize that this isn't a latrine that's exploded, but someone is cooking. They rush in to find the two princesses with their mouths full of black oil.

Little Si jumped off the stool, patted his round little belly, and smacked his lips twice, still wanting more.

"Brother, we have to eat this stinky stuff again tomorrow!"

The little girl never holds back when making requests.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow." Su Mu unlocked the door.

It was quiet outside the door.

Wang Dequan's group was probably terrified by the fumes, so they retreated to a distance of ten zhang (approximately 33 meters) and stood guard, covering their noses and discussing countermeasures.

Taking advantage of the fact that no one was paying attention, the two figures, one tall and one short, crouched down and slipped out along the wall.

……

After seeing the two important figures off, Su Mu closed the door again.

The smell in the woodshed hadn't dissipated yet, but to Su Mu, it was the fragrance of victory.

[Ding! Mission complete: Make "Premium Stinky Tofu" and receive praise. Reward issued: God-level control of heat]

A warm current instantly flowed through my body.

Su Mu felt that his senses seemed to have become more acute.

He looked at the embers in the stove that had not yet been extinguished, as if he could clearly sense the temperature at the center of the flames, predict how long the fire would burn, and how hot the oil in the pot would be.

This is good stuff.

When it comes to cooking, especially Chinese food, the key is the "heat control".

A slight difference can lead to a huge error.

With this intermediate level of control over the heat, let alone stinky tofu, he was now quite confident in making even a main dish from a Manchu Han Imperial Feast by hand.

"but……"

Su Mu glanced at the jar of brine, which was still more than half full. "This stuff needs to be hidden well."

If the smoke really caused serious harm to the imperial kitchen, Li Shimin would probably have to personally lead an expedition to demolish his woodshed.

……

Lizheng Hall.

Li Shimin is in a bad mood today.

Very bad.

That "Niangpi" dish is still nowhere to be seen. Those useless people from the Imperial Food Bureau sent over a bunch of noodle soup, saying they did their best.

He was so angry that he barely ate any food for dinner.

What annoyed him even more was that Wang Dequan had just reported that there was a suspected large-scale biogas leak in the backyard of the Imperial Kitchen, with a foul stench, possibly due to unstable earth veins.

"Is the earth's vein pattern unstable?"

Li Shimin slammed the memorial on the table. "I think the people's hearts are unsettled! They can't even handle such a small matter!"

Just as the fire was raging, a small head peeked in through the palace door.

"Ah Ye..."

The little ox timidly called out.

Upon seeing his daughter, Li Shimin's anger subsided considerably. He beckoned, forcing a fatherly smile, "Sizi's here? Come here quickly, let your father hold you."

Little Sizi walked over slowly, his hands behind his back, his eyes looking a little unfocused.

On the way here, she and her older sister deliberately stood in a breezy spot for a while, trying to get rid of the smell on them. But the smell of stinky tofu was just too overpowering; although it had lessened considerably, there was still a faint trace of it.

Li Shimin picked up his daughter and placed her on his lap.

"Hmm?" Li Shimin frowned and brought his nose close to Xiao Sizi's collar to sniff.

That familiar "swamp smell" that had been bothering him all afternoon was now also present on his daughter!

Although it's very mild, with a hint of garlic and spiciness, the base flavor is definitely not bad!

"Sizi, did you go to the backyard of the imperial kitchen?" Li Shimin's expression turned serious.

That area is now a "polluted zone." What if the fumes harm the children?

Xiao Sizi panicked and instinctively covered her mouth.

"No... I didn't go!"

"Why do you smell like this even though you haven't removed your clothes?" Li Shimin asked sternly. "And what's that on your mouth?"

He lightly wiped the corner of Xiao Sizi's mouth.

A tiny bit of black residue clung to my fingertip. It was burnt tofu skin crumbs mixed with a little bit of chili oil that hadn't been wiped clean.

Li Shimin brought his finger to his nose.

At that moment, his expression became quite interesting.

Smelly!

It was indeed that stench that made Wang Dequan vomit.

But... deep within this stench lies an incredibly alluring, caramelized aroma! It's a wonderful smell that comes from the reaction of oils and proteins after being carbonized at high temperatures.

Glug!

Li Shimin's Adam's apple bobbed involuntarily.

This stench... why does it make me feel... hungry?

"Is this food?" Li Shimin stared sharply at the black crumbs on his fingertips.

Little Si knew he couldn't hide it anymore, so he could only lower his head, twist two fingers together, and mutter softly, "It's...it's stinky tofu."

"Stinky tofu?" Li Shimin was stunned.

Which expert is it again?

Eat tofu that's gone bad?

This is utterly absurd and unorthodox!

"Is it delicious?" Li Shimin asked, almost as if possessed.

Xiao Sizi suddenly looked up, her eyes sparkling, her initial guilt instantly replaced by her enthusiasm for Amway.

"So good! Super good!" She waved her little hands excitedly. "It smells stinky, but it turns into a sweet treat as soon as you put it in your mouth! The outer skin is crispy, and the inside is so tender and juicy!"

Li Shimin looked at his daughter's lingering expression and smelled the faint scent on her fingertips.

The scales in my heart began to tip.

On one hand, there is the dignity of an emperor and the instinctive resistance to "shit-smelling" food.

On one hand, there was absolute trust in the master chef's skills, and on the other hand, there was the craving in her stomach that was growling loudly.

"Is there anything else?" Li Shimin lowered his voice, with a hint of barely perceptible longing.

"That's all..."

Little Sizi shrugged regretfully, "The pot only fried one plate, and it's all gone."

Li Shimin felt a pang of disappointment.

Just then, an announcement came from outside the hall: "Your Majesty, Lord Wei Zheng requests an audience."

Li Shimin frowned: "What is this old farmer doing here so late?"

"They said...they smelled an unusual odor and thought something had happened in the palace, so they came to offer their advice."

Li Shimin's lips twitched.

Was Wei Zheng's nose like a dog's? He could smell the odors coming from the imperial kitchen?

He put the little ox down: "Go, go play with your mother. Father has official business to attend to."

After the little ox had run far away, Li Shimin stood up and straightened his dragon robe.

"Announce."

Since they couldn't get the food, they could only vent their anger on Wei Zheng.

But... stinky tofu?

Li Shimin stood with his hands behind his back, his gaze fixed on the direction of the imperial kitchen.

If I have the chance, I must try this divine thing that smells like shit and tastes like meat!